The world's fastest tortoise (and other records)

On Friday 7th August, I worked with young writers at Ashbourne and Matlock libraries, encouraging them to invent some new world records all of their own. The workshops were held to celebrate 60 years of the Guinness Book of World Records, and everyone who attended got into the spirit of the challenge, suggesting weird and wonderful achievements they'd like to see, from the world's largest pizza to the world's smallest giraffe. We had a brilliant day, and wrote two group poems based on the record suggestions. Hope you like them!


Record Breakers

Today, we broke the record for the longest chain of party rings,
the most puppets in a puppet show,
the most wigs worn on one small head.
We did the most flips on a trampoline
until we felt sick. We raced the fastest tortoise
in the world. We froze our fingertips, rolling
the world’s biggest snowball, then we stuffed our faces
with Victoria sponge, the most ever eaten in a minute.

When we blinked, it was the world’s biggest blink.
We balanced towers of tottering penguins on our heads,
made food with our feet. We found the quickest cow
to leap over the moon and we held onto it
and zipped over the clouds, the stars
like freckles as we rose. And best of all,
we did it all without leaving the library.
We let our pens give lift off to the world.

Ashbourne Library, August 7th 2015



Record Riddle

What am I?
Lift off my roof and find
the biggest window in the world,
the longest car drive
and the fluffiest cloud.
What am I?
I hold the smallest giraffe neck,
sand-coloured and bright,
the world’s smelliest cheese,
the longest rhyming rap.
What am I?
I’ve got the speediest snail,
the most yoghurt eaten
with a fork. I’ve got
so many manies
you can’t count them all!
I’m a library,
crammed with poets.
I’m every word
in the universe,
I’m everything
you thought
and didn’t say.

Matlock Library, August 7th, 2015